Be Cool: The Addendum for C6 Owners to Understand Their Corvette
Ladies and
Gentlemen,
Two years ago, as
a public service, I wrote “Be Cool: Common Pitfalls for the C5 Owner & How
to Avoid Them” as a guide to understanding the relationship between a
Corvette owner and their ride. The common unit of measure in that guide is the
“Coolness Quotient,” the rating of how well, as a Corvette owner, you have
become the living equal to your Corvette. Let’s face facts: there is nothing
more cool than the Corvette, and to own one is be seeking coolness yourself.
Much of what was
written in that guide is applicable to C6 owners as well, and I encourage you
all to have a read through the original Be Cool dissertation. For instance, the
admonition about remembering to open the fuel door before you exit the car, or
risk receiving a spanking from the fuel door when you have to reach into the car
from the outside, is still perfectly relevant for C6 owners. From how to
administer a smack down on a teenager driving a ricer, to appropriate clothing
while motoring, to encounters with law enforcement, C6 owners will find much
with which they can identify. But C6 owners have a unique challenge in
cultivating a coolness quotient, a challenge unknown by owners of other
generations of Corvette.
This means that
an addendum to the Be Cool guide is necessary for C6 owners.
The unique
challenge I refer to here is technology. The C6 has introduced, from the
factory, many technological advancements to the Corvette line. These can be
bewildering, intricate and in many cases, intimidating. The net effect is that
the C6 has raised the bar on where Coolness Quotients must start, and this
challenge is one far too many C6 owners have not fully met.
Whether you own a
coupe or convertible, a Z06, or the ultimate in Corvette Cool, the C6 ZR1, this
guide is intended to put your mind at ease, and establish that Zen-like
relationship with your car that will yield dividends in your Coolness rating.
You, your Corvette, and your Coolness must be one, and you must accept that as
your mantra. So, once again, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, I give
you:
Be
Cool:
The Addendum
for C6 Owners to Understand Their Corvette
Fellow C6 Owners,
once upon a time, the idea of a truly smart car was the stuff of popular
fiction. A neat idea in theory, where a car could talk to you, do things for
itself, find things for you and give you directions to get there, and provide
you with high performance motoring into the bargain, that theory is now becoming
real. You may have heard of the television show “Knight Rider” or grew up
watching “Transformers” as a cartoon and now as a movie franchise. Whether it
was an early 80’s Pontiac Trans Am (original Knight Rider) or a late 2000s Ford
Mustang (current Knight Rider), or a concept 2010 Chevrolet Camaro
(Transformers), the basic premise is unchanged: the car is actually smarter than
the actor being hired to drive it.
This is not
necessarily a good thing, particularly where your Coolness Quotient is
concerned. Consider it this way: in one recent episode of the re-launched Knight
Rider series, one of the series’ characters scoffed at Michael Knight that “it
sounds like (your car) K.I.T.T. just made you his bitch.” Translation: you
cannot be truly cool if your car owns you. And in the sixth generation Corvette
line, this risk is sadly beginning to manifest itself, to the detriment of
Coolness Quotients everywhere.
A proper
relationship between man and machine must be maintained if Coolness for both is
to prevail. And this is no small endeavor, for the C6 has staked out new
territory for where that relationship must begin. Now, there is no need to be
alarmed. Your yin and your Corvette’s yang (or is it your yang and your
Corvette’s yin?) will achieve balance if you carefully read what follows.
Part I: C6
101.
I suspect that
even as recently as ten years ago, if someone had told you that one day, there
would be a car that would not need a key to start it, indeed, that the key fob
didn’t even need to leave your pocket, and that it didn’t have a proper door
handle, your reaction would likely have been to suggest that the person telling
you this needed to stop reading science fiction. (Well, I’m being polite for
the sake of keeping a theme running. You’re reaction would probably have been
more along the lines of ‘what the hell are you smoking?’ But that doesn’t
advance my sci-fi theme, so I had to jettison it. Work with me, here,
people.) But in 2005, such a vehicle did arrive in Chevrolet showrooms. The
Corvette got an upgrade, technology-wise.
And as a C6
owner, you are now in need of an upgrade, too. I mean that in the nicest
possible way. So, put your key fob in your pocket, and take a walk around the
exterior of your C6. Note the sleek, racy lines. Note the big, beefy brakes.
Note the aggressive stance- why the car looks like its speeding, just standing
still! Suddenly, your sense of cool is peaking. Now, note the lack of a door
handle.
This is the first
indication that science fiction has informed the design of your Corvette. To
gain access to your C6, there is no latch to be lifted, no handle with a thumb
button underneath, no C3-style panel to depress with your fingers. There isn’t
even a keyhole in easy sight. What there is looks like a cut out section just
behind the door jamb, into which you place your hand, and squeeze a membrane.
Think about that
for a moment: “squeeze a membrane.” In your entire automotive experience,
have you ever heard the word ‘membrane’ used to describe a part on a vehicle?
Indeed, since you completed your last biology class, have you even used the word
‘membrane’ in a sentence? Yet, here it is, on a high performance sports car.
Don’t be alarmed, and don’t be intimidated- this is the first technological
challenge you’re being presented with, and it’s an easy one to win. Quell your
squeamishness concerning ‘membranes’ in general, insert your fingers into that
cut out section, and touch the door from within that gap. You’ll notice it
doesn’t feel like metal- this is normal. Now, with your key fob still in your
pocket, simply press your fingers on that non-metallic panel.
When you do this,
you’ll note that the window will lower itself slightly just before the door pops
open. Again, this is normal: a function called ‘indexing.’ (Another term that
seems odd, when used in the context of a vehicle.) Again, do not be alarmed,
simply swing the door open. Your C6 has granted you access, and you have
mastered your first technological challenge. Even better, the owner of that
Lexus, parked across the aisle from you, is juggling a bag of merchandise and a
briefcase while trying to reach into a jacket pocket and retrieve a key fob,
whereupon this unfortunate Lexus owner will need to again juggle the various
items they’re holding to grab the door latch- expect to get a cold look of
jealousy about this from them.
Using the
techniques you learned from the first Be Cool guide about the proper way to
enter your Corvette, you now climb behind the wheel, and find your next
challenge: there is no ignition port in which to insert a key. Seriously- have a
look around the interior (just make sure no one sees you doing this.) You will
see a climate control system with separate settings for driver and passenger,
you’ll see an entertainment system which, depending on how your C6 came
equipped, may look like a computer monitor, and you’ll see the various gauges on
your dash. Lifting up the center arm rest, you’ll notice a spare electrical
port, but there is no ignition here, either.
Don’t get
panicky- that would be uncool. Now, take a deep breath and prepare to immerse
yourself fully into the technology of the C6. We’ll start by having you pull the
door closed. Doing this will cause the window to raise itself back up to its
full height, the sight of which may cause you to start thinking the car is
taking control, somehow. Keep repeating to yourself that your car is not
K.I.T.T. This, again, is the ‘indexing’ function to ensure a consistent seal on
the windows. Only worry if this indexing function does not
happen.
Okay, you’re now
safely ensconced within your C6, comfortable in the articulating leather seat,
wondering how to start the car. Your eyes, as they look around the interior,
note button with a circle of green light glowing before you. Now, ask yourself
what is a green light the universal symbol for? That’s right! Push the button
with the green light and you now have access to hundreds of horsepower at your
command. Other interesting things begin to happen, too: Your Driver’s
Information Center, located just above the steering column, begins to display
the words “Corvette… by Chevrolet”, and a ghostly-green C6 crossed flags logo
appears, as though its floating in the air in front of you. (You do not need to
get out of the car and see if it’s really there, this is a projection from your
Heads Up Display, welcoming you to the C6).
Now, if you and
your C6 are new to one another, there is a third thing that should happen, but
won’t until you’ve taken control of the situation and allowed it start
happening. Your car needs to know you- brace yourself- by
name. This is an easy bit of information to convey to your C6, and
you will need to repeat it with the other key fob, as well. When properly
informed by the owner, you’re C6 will conclude its start-up cycle by showing
your name on the Driver’s Information Center.
Please, do not
start out your relationship with your C6 by lying to it about your name- you
have nothing to fear in revealing your name to your Corvette. Your C6 is not
HAL, it is not going to go insane and try to kill you. Your C6 should know you,
personally. In fact, it must know you, personally. Honesty is the best policy
with your C6, and if you start out on the right foot, you’ll find your C6 will
be quite helpful in all sorts of ways. Please, either use your real name, or a
favorite nick-name you are frequently called. Have fun with this Zen moment as
you and your C6 bond, and please, don’t feel as though this is a loss of control
in any way. This is the beginning of a relationship, a friendship, and it
requires you to be as open to the experience as your C6 is.
Once you’ve done
that, you can inform your C6 of things like preferences on how to adjust your
articulating leather seat, the position of the steering wheel, the position of
the side view mirrors and your favorite radio stations. It even recalls the
volume you had on the stereo last. All of this becomes your unique identity with
your C6 when you have that particular key fob with you. Even better, it will
allow the car to know you, and- with the other key fob- your spouse or
significant other, individually. As such, this means you need to choose
carefully who the other person you allow to have access to the Corvette- with
great power comes great responsibility.
One final note on
the basics of getting acquainted with your C6, and it concerns your seat belt
and the cinch function. For some time now, Corvettes have come equipped with a
cinch function which allows you to have the seat belt hold you firmly in the
seat. This is particularly useful if you are doing any hard cornering. To
activate this in the C6, you simply pull the shoulder strap out to its fullest
extent and release it. When it retracts, it will be locked, and you will find
your ability to move around quite restricted.
Because the C6
will automatically move your seat to ‘exit position’ whenever your stop the
engine and open the door, we suggest that if you wish to engage the cinch
function, you do this only after you have had your C6 move your seat back into
your preferred driving position. Reversing this order will lead to a hyper-tight
lock down into the seat, once the seat has moved into your preferred position,
making any kind of movement almost impossible. Unless you have a bondage fetish,
you will likely find that loss of movement to be tantamount to a form of
surrendering a certain level of control to your C6. Remember what was said about
the proper relationship between man and machine being
maintained?
Right, the basics
have been covered. Let’s go for some seat time behind the wheel of your C6, and
see what sort of technological challenges your Corvette will present on the
road.
Part II:
Who’s Your Daddy, Navi?
Congratulations,
C6 Owner! In mastering the basics of developing a relationship with your C6, you
have not only embarked on a journey to conquer any techno-phobia with which you
might have been afflicted, you have also dramatically increased your Coolness.
Well done! But remember, this is the only the beginning of the journey, and
there are still bumps in the road to be managed.
So let’s get
right down to it, and start smoothing out that road up ahead. To do this best,
we’re going to examine a hypothetical trip you are taking in your C6 to visit a
friend who has just moved- you need to show the C6 off, and gain some easy
coolness points when your friend is impressed with your new ride. Now, this
friend’s recent relocation is to a house you haven’t previously been to, and
it’s located about an hour away, if you take the freeway. But you are a Corvette
owner, and you’re up for a challenge in your C6, so you choose the long route,
filled with all sorts of nice twisties. (Honestly, are you sure you want to
be this ambitious so soon after getting acquainted with your C6? Very well, if
we must engage in shock treatments, so be it.)
So let’s take
this road trip, and break it into segments to glean an understanding of what
mistakes are common to make, and what you can do to avoid them. Now, I may refer
to the driver in this scenario as “you,” but I mean that in a “don’t be this
guy” sort of way.
Our scenario
starts with you behind the wheel, engine fired up. Now, you could engage the
analogue solution of using a map book to help you find your friend’s new
residence, but you’re feeling your oats now that you’ve mastered the
complexities of gaining access to your C6 and starting its engine. So you decide
to use your factory installed SatNav DVD-based navigation system. My, you are
getting bold! Confident that you’ve read its functionality thoroughly in the
supplemental literature in your owner’s manual packet, you confidently program
the destination into the touch screen system, pleased with how you’ve conquered
your techno-phobia. Remember the saying ‘pride goeth before the fall?’
Suddenly, a voice
chimes into existence within the car: PING! “Your navigation will begin.
Please obey all traffic and roadway signs.” Who is this woman? How did she
get into your C6? Confused, you look around the interior of your car, startled
that the disembodied voice of a woman just appeared. Did you imagine it? Was the
voice just in your head?
The answer is no.
That voice is the voice of a lady I like to refer to as ‘Navi’, and if you
engage your navigation system, Navi will come along for the ride. But be warned-
Navi’s advice will come without warning, and if you disobey her, you’ll find her
friendly tones will change. But you wanted the shock therapy.
Your seat belt is
fastened, and for good measure, you activate the cinch function. Putting the car
in gear, you hit the street and turn your stereo on. Even in low gear on your
residential street, you’re enjoying the sound of your exhaust and the feel
of…
PING! “In one
half mile, turn left.”
Well, thanks, but
you know how to get to highway 40 from your front door. PING! “Turn left,
now!” That sounded a little harsh in tone.
Executing a left
turn, now on a feeder road and in a higher gear, you’re enjoying the sound of
your exhaust and the feel of the...
PING! “In one
half mile, bear right and merge onto Interstate 90.”
Ah, but you’re
not taking I-90, and you failed to specify that to Navi before you began your
road trip. Some trouble is about to happen. But you’re blissfully unaware of it,
happy as you to enjoy the sound of your exhaust and the feel of the
po…
PING! “Bear right
and merge onto Interstate 90, now!”
We’re not going
that way, honey. Highway 40 is another two miles down the road.
PING! PING!
PING! “Turn right, now!”
And you thought
your wife could nag. You watch your screen, and the red line indicating the
route Navi thinks you should take is now behind where the system indicates you
are located. Suddenly the line goes out, and a new window opens up on the
screen: “Recalculating route.” Navi remains silent, as though sulking. Trust me,
this isn’t over yet, and your Coolness will be sorely tested before it
is.
Navi is not a
female version of K.I.T.T. You see, Navi’s limitation is that she’s only as
smart as the instructions she’s given, and that includes things like route
preference, whether you want to travel on toll roads or not, taking a ferry, or
if you entered the address of your destination correctly. That, fellow C6 owner,
is down to you, and your Coolness will be affected by a lack of attention to
these details. Coolness requires thoroughness, and in your zeal to get on the
road and prove you’d conquered your techno-phobia, you weren’t quite cool
enough.
PING! “In one
half mile, turn right.”
Ah, highway 40
this time. Navi has now recalculated your route to use the one you intended to
take from the outset. Preparing for the turn, you take your foot off the
accelerator, and begin applying pressure to the break, marveling at the sound of
your exhaust and the feel of…
PING! “Turn
right, now!”
“Alright!
Alright! I know!” You see, you’ve now started arguing with Navi. Don’t do that,
and especially don’t do that if you have a passenger in the car. Coolness
dictates you were expecting this navigation instruction.
You slow to a
stop, preparing to make the turn, and shift into first, as you wait for cross
direction traffic to clear.
PING! PING! PING!
“Turn right, now!”
“I know!” See?
It’s a hard habit to break, but you must. Frustrated, you turn, and keep the car
in first gear well beyond where you could have shifted to second. Realizing
this, you do a power shift to second gear, and your Driver’s Information Center
flashes you a message: “Torque Management Active.”
Now, relax. This is an informational message your C6 provides you in
order to maximize your driving experience. An informed driver is a Cool driver.
All sorts of messages of this sort will, on occasion, flash across your DIC:
“Headlights Suggested” when it becomes sufficiently dark outside, “Ice Possible”
when the exterior temperature drops below 36° Fahrenheit, “Top Not Secure” if
you have not latched your convertible top correctly, that sort of thing. This is
information intended to alert you to something noted by your C6 about its
status, and you should react accordingly.
Part III:
Temptation, Passengers and Coolness.
PING! “Continue
on this road for forty-four miles.”
Now perhaps Navi
will leave you alone for a while. Smoothly shifting into a high gear, the road
transitions from a four lane arterial within your city to a two lane road
through the County, and as it transitions, the traffic sharing the road with you
dwindles down to the point where you have the road to yourself. You’re
comfortable in you C6’s pilot seat, marveling at the read-outs on your Heads-Up
Display, maintaining a constant position right in front of you as miles of road
are quickly chewed up under your tires.
Now, you’re
having fun! This is what Coolness in a Corvette is all about! A grin begins to
form on your face, as you spot a curve up ahead. Do you take your foot off the
accelerator as you approach the curve? Of course not- this is a Corvette and
handling is part of the package. So you take the curve at
speed.
And then
something on your Heads-Up Display catches your eye: at the bottom of the
floating image, you see a new number. It reads “0.42 G.” You have just
discovered your lateral G-Force reading. Yes, G-force, as in gravity, astronauts
being launched into orbit and revolutions around a centrifuge. Once more, the
technology of the C6 has inserted itself into your motoring experience. A
surprise, and a very Cool surprise at that!
But you think to
yourself, “Only point four-two g’s? That’s not very high. I can do
better.”
That is the
temptation. No, temptation in and of itself is not uncool, but your response to
temptation could be.
A sign posted off
the side of the road announces another curve is coming up, and this one even
sharper than the previous one: the sign warns you to slow to 40 MPH through the
curve. But the temptation to push the envelope on technology is like an itch you
simply have to scratch, so rather than slowing down, you actually press the
pedal a little harder.
You enter the
curve, surprised at how short the radius of the curve is. Well, you were warned,
but didn’t heed the warning. Now you’re into a white knuckle moment as your
hands become vice-grips on the steering wheel, and centrifugal forces begin to
try pushing you sideways out of your seat. The cinch you affected on your seat
belt stops balks this movement, but going around the curve, experiencing this
hard sideways pull, and keeping your hands on the steering wheel is conspiring
to jolt your heart rate to several times normal. You’re juggling a number of
variables, and this sudden rush of reality creates a sort of scurrility as your
attention focuses to a single point in front of you.
Coming out of the
curve, you glance a brief glimpse of your Heads-Up Display: “0.86
G.”
Fellow C6 owner,
let’s remember something: G-force is a reading of how many “gravities” you’re
experiencing, in this case, in a lateral direction. This is serious stuff, and
should not to be trifled with. If you simply must see how far you can safely
push the technology envelop, you must see to your own driving skills first. The
limitation here is not your C6, the limitation is you. Before you try that
again, perhaps a visit to a high performance driving school is in order, to
sharpen your abilities for such spirited motoring.
PING! “In one
half mile, turn left.”
Ah, you’ve
arrived at your friend’s town, that’s apparently his street up ahead. Well done,
Navi, you think to yourself, now prepared for her to advise you of the turn left
moment.
Navi does not
disappoint: PING! PING! PING! “Turn left, now.” And she almost sounded
like she was adding the word “darling” at the end of that sentence. See, Navi
can be your friend.
PING! “Your
destination is up ahead, on the right.” You check the screen on your
SatNav system and see a red dot up ahead. You’ve arrived, and so you pull to a
stop outside the house.
Then you note the
address on the house. That’s not your friend’s address. You entered the
destination incorrectly, and you’re still two blocks away. Details, C6 Owner,
details! Oh well, no one besides you and Navi know you made this error, and now
that you’re friends, Navi certainly isn’t going to tell anyone, so we won’t
deduct any Coolness points… this time.
Two blocks later,
you’re now parked in front of the correct residence, and your friend is outside
waiting to greet you. As you expected, your new C6 does not fail to impress your
friend- Coolness is there for the taking. Your friend suggests that you go for a
ride around the block- another Coolness benefit! You’re scoring big points,
today.
“Um, how do I get
in?” Your friend asks.
“Don’t be such a
techno-phobe,” you slyly answer, and demonstrate your mastery of the
membrane.
Your friend is
astonished, and you can just hear the clinks of Coolness coins falling into your
Coolness piggy-bank.
You further
impress your friend with the fact that your Corvette knows your name when you
start the engine (you take great pride in pointing out your name on the DIC as
it flashes past), but don’t score quite as high when you try to point out the
Heads-Up Display. From where your friend is sitting, he can’t see anything on
the windshield, and having to take someone’s word for it doesn’t have the same
impact as actually seeing it. Oh well, you’re still many points to the good,
Coolness-wise.
The drive around
with your friend is the biggest Coolness-garnering part of the experience yet,
for your friend goes through shock at the amount of power, tension at how
quickly you launched the C6 to speed, to finally laughing out loud at fun it is.
You may have just planted the seed for a future Corvette owner. Well done! But
the ride is over now, and you’ve returned back to your friend’s house, eager to
see his wife and kids again.
“Um, how do I get
out?” Your friend asks.
“Are you really
this technologically challenged?” You smile. “This is the twenty-first century.
You push the button,” you tell him, pointing to the button on the side of the
door.
He pushes it, but
continues to hold tightly to the arm-rest pull. The result is that the window
‘indexes’ down, but the door does not pop open. Your friend tries pushing on the
door, but it won’t open. “Um, how do I get out?” he sheepishly asks for the
second time.
Now, you could be
embarrassed about this anti-climatic end to the ride that so amazed your friend,
but there is no need. First of all, remember how technologically challenged you
once were. You simply must keep pointing out behind the times your friend is.
Ultimately, if he can’t open the door himself because he can’t help but keep
holding the door pull so tightly, you may have to get out and open his door from
the outside. Play this up, if it happens. Suggest that your friend should catch
up with technology, and suggest he start with a cell phone.
Part IV:
Building Confidence
There is no way
to comprehensively describe all the benefits that come from mastering the
technological challenge your C6 presents you with in a summary like this.
Suffice it say that as you and C6 bond, and you learn to get along with Navi,
you will find that your C6 will be so much more than the vehicle of first choice
in your stable. It truly is a smart car, and it requires you to be smart,
thorough on the details, and aware of your own limits as a driver.
Practice will
make these requirements come second hand to you. And when you do, you’ll find
Navi will be able to do all sorts of neat things- like find a restaurant or the
closest gas station. You’ll find that your C6 will keep you informed of
important things about it operating status or driving conditions that you need
to know. And with these skill sets in place, your confidence in showing off your
C6 will also advance, and this gives you the opportunity to ‘own’ the technology
angle.
Try this little
experiment on a friend, co-worker or family member who isn’t familiar with the
sixth generation Corvette, and see if it doesn’t force you to suppress a grin:
tell your experimentee that your C6 is so advanced, that it now makes use of
bio-metric scanners to identify the owner. They’ll scoff, they’ll say that’s
impossible, and then they will demand you show them. So, you oblige…
You walk out to
the parking lot with your gullible victim, and invite them to try opening the
door, as you stay back (remember, for this to work, you need to be out of
transmitter range for your key fob, and keep that key fob in your pocket.) Your
friend will try squeezing the membrane, and nothing will happen. So you walk up
and squeeze the membrane- and this time the door opens. “See?” You innocently
say. “I told you so.”
Get into your C6
with your friend, and continue the experiment further. Tell them that the
bio-metric scanners also control the ignition. Sell them on this notion by
pointing out the red and green lights on your starter button, and then holding
your finger over the green circle as though its being scanned before you push
it.
Yes, this
experiment is slightly mischievous, and you can eventually let your victim in on
the gag. But in the meantime, enjoy the benefit of being able to convince people
of the advanced science fiction nature of your car. And rack up those Coolness
points in the process.
Happy Motoring.
Oh, and don't be like the C5 guys- remember to wave.